Was Thinking Too Much

juz an hour ago, i scared the hell out of myself...

it was raining, not heavily but raining... the last call i get from him was about 1230pm.. he said he would leave office at 2pm to find me.. i sms him at 145pm, got no reply.. i sms him again at 2pm, still no reply... and last sms at 215pm, no reply too.. i waited awhile and started calling him.. the operator told me "the number u have dialed is out of coverage area, please call again later".. i began to worry.. the images of old memories began to appear in my mind... the more i think the more i worried.. i kept calling but still getting the same msg.. tried call his office but so coincidently the whole row of offices at his area are out of services..

at 333pm i called jessy, wanting to ask if her house phone is ok... but the tears are really choking me hard.. she asked y do i sound like crying.. being the usual emotional me, i cried.. i was sorry to frighten her like tt but i juz couldn't hold the tears.. i managed to tell her roughly wat happened.. and thankfully she was on her way back home, which is near his office.. she said she would drop by to check it out for me..

and when she reached the office, she found him and at the same time, he was calling me.. i was crying madly when i heard his voice.. hahaha.. i managed to laugh now.. the whole 2 hrs drama was caused by his SIM card not functioning in his phone... and i'm laughing coz this drama, had make me freak out and cried coz i was thinking too much!!

jessy, sorry for the trouble...

and thank u, i really appreciate it...

akan ku sayang selalu...

~the dreamer
*cartoon source: http://www.chocobo.cn/

Cheng Beng

i tried waking up early this morning... wanting to help mom wif cooking.. but i still slept till 9am, when i finally forced myself to wake up..

well.. 2007, the 5th year of cheng beng praying for my dad.. time flies aint it? sigh..

prepared all the necessary, food, fruits, incense, lighter, tea, coffee, kuih.. waited for my bro to come but after awhile mom called only to find him oredi on his way straight to Nilai Memorial Park. so, me n mom hurried there to meet him and my cousins, uncle & aunties..

this is where we muz pray first before heading to the hillside columbarium to pray my dad

this is the hillside columbarium where my dad's urn of ashes is placed

the food, fruits and all...

we waited for the incense to finish burning.. mom n uncle asked to throw coins to ask dad if he has finish 'eating'.. if the coins, with both the same side, means no and if the coins, each different sides means yes.. my dad 'answered' yes.. so my uncle went to burn some offerings.. praying papers, hell bank notes.. worth millions, billions.. well, no idea wat currency 'they' are using.. anyway.. done, we packed and we left..

but i really do thank my uncle, his wife, my auntie, cousins and brother... they are the only ones that never miss to turn up during cheng beng... i know it's not a happy occasion or celebration but at least, they still care to remember.. i do really appreciate that..


~the dreamer
*Nilai Memorial Park pictures from http://www.nilaimemorialpark.com

Comical Me

i'm feeling dead.. no idea y.. finally had a good sleep last nite without those mosquitoes supper-ing on my legs and hands.. but still, feeling very dead...

i know! i know y i'm feeling like this!!

it's bcoz of.....

HIM!!!!!!!! YOU OM!!

u're always ordering me around!!

do u know i hate u so much???!!

u spoil my mood each day i come to work!!!!

i hope i can bang u away!!! far away from me!! and dun let me see ur face ever again!!

uu.. uu.. uu...uu... uuuu... i want my freedom....

wake up!! wake up!! i muz wake myself!!

no no no.... i cannot be like him.. cannot be like tt grumpy OM!!

ahh!! i know! i know!!!

i will be strong no matter wat happens..

and 1 day... i shall rule my own world... out and away from OM!!

and be happy, happy and happier.........

~the dreamer
*cartoon source: http://blog.roodo.com/onion_club

Lazy Weekend

he's back! he's back! he bought me a mp4 player (i like it.. tho' it's a lil' fragile, drop it and tt's it.. ), a pair of jeans (which i cant fit in AT ALL!!), and a belt (juz normal wif many holes... haha.. acceptable).. he bought a coat for my mom.. casual white coat but very nice.. sigh.. not for me.. boo hoo.. anyway, i still prefer the mp4 more..

spent my weekend doing nothing much but makan, sleep, watch tv and hugging hugging lar (to lepas rindu).. =P wahahaha.. though i slept a lot but still not getting enuff sleep... juz dunno y..

oh, went supper wif lim on saturday nite.. oohhh... he make good remarks bout me.. wahahaha.. i shall stop eating supper oredi!! well, i shud have stop long time ago... hehehe... but food are juz so... delicious... how can 1 survive without eating.. somemore it's good food! hehe..

hooray coz this week my boss is out of office.. and i shall clean my desk this week and get done with all those pending stuffs.. i juz hope my mgr wont come disturb.. he's so troublesome, making life miserable not only for me but oso my colleagues... sigh... life goes on, so do work... aarrrgggghhhhh.....

this shall be a happy week... it shud be... it muz BE!


~the dreamer

Anger

i was really angry at work today.. i blamed it on my boss and i blamed myself for not saying "NO"!

sigh... when i 1st joined tis company, i was very free.. and i helped around as much as i could to keep my time occupied.. till my dear boss, opened his golden mouth and said to the mgmt's staffs tt if they nid any helped in "typing", or anything at all, could look for me.. and from tt stupid day onwards, everything was thrown to me.. i started out to "help" and ended up being "responsible".. i no longer know wat is my job function.. i'm oni required to report to 1 manager.. but now it's like... the security guard is rude, complaint goes to me.. pens are finished, goes to me.. they nid medical card to see panel doc, goes to me.. distribution of staffs clothes, goes to me.. juz bcoz the HR happens to be a director, things have to come to me.. i dun report to her.. even the cleaner lost her card, she come and report to me??!! for wat? i'm not responsible for staffs access card!! how on earth am i suppose to know?? i was not told to KNOW about it.. how come things are shooting at me as if i'm responsible for the slow progress??? aarrgghhh... so many other things.. i juz hate tt mr.OM.. he really make me wanna cry juz now..... i wished i could shout at him and say "HELLO?? i'm juz HELPING??"... aaahhh... those stress... i'm exploding soon..

i came home feeling tired.. i told a colleague how i hate mr.OM.. she understood y and asked if i would like to escape the meeting tomolo... how i wished i could.. i would have gone to see the panel doc and ask for MC.. and tomolo, i'll wake up late and the heck wif them i'm not goin to bother.. sigh... but i'm not tt type.. i will feel guilty and irresponsible.. aaargghhh... i guess tis is wat's wrong wif me!! i cant seem to be cruel!! i want to be harsh, i want to be cruel, at least to HIM! sigh......

i went to secret recipe.. wanted to seek comfort in food & coffee.. i bought a newspaper, ordered a hazelnut latte and a greek salad (dressing tastes weird but i love the cheese cube).. i din get to have a proper relaxation coz my fren juz cant stop sms-ing me.. but i managed to flip all the pages.. hahahaha.. left the place at 10.20pm feeling not bad, telling myself, yea, i could do that again some time.. came home and decided to blog b4 i sleep..

well, it has been a very busy week at work.. stressful too.. but hey, tomolo's friday.. =) though i'm having a deadly meeting at 4pm... i'm still happy coz i've got 2 days off not seeing HIS face.. still, i hope i can still be cool for tomolo's meeting.. cheerio cherries.... woohoo..

~the dreamer

Out of Mood

i'm so not in the mood this week.. due to my workload at office, i bring back the moodiness home.. i was craving for a cake and coffee from secret recipe last week.. but i was too busy doing transcript.. and juz now at dinner time, i craved for chicken chop.. but i did not go coz my mom's home.. so i think it's better for me to stay home.. i'll see if i can do that tomolo nite.. perhaps, carrying a newpaper there.. enjoying the "private time"...

i got home these few days feeling lost of direction.. angry wif the workload i have and oso at him for neglecting me.. i feel like breaking down.. sigh.. i would have taken leave to hide at home but i'm saving it for next year's holiday.. aaarrgghhh..... i felt terrible now.. felt like sleeping and not getting up in the morning...

i think i shud sleep.. coz i still have to wake up and face the reality tomolo... aarrgghh... reality bites.. tonite i'm dreaming sweet dream as compensation!!!! aaarrgghh....


~the dreamer

北极星的眼泪

while i was blogging juz now, this song was playing on my pc.. each time i listen to this song, 北极星的眼泪, it reminds me of my dad.. and each time it reaches this part, 说不出的想念 原来我们活在 两个世界 i will think of my dad.. this whole song reflects my feelings for my dad.. how i miss him and are separated by 2 different 'world'.. this song make me cried..

this song is actually a song from a taiwanese drama, Sonria Pasta.. i enjoyed the series but when it came to the part where nicholas was singing this song, the 'listeners' in the drama cried, and i cried too.. not bcoz i was influenced by them.. but it reminds me of how strong the feeling inside me of missing my dad.. come august would be the 5th anniversary.. of him leaving us..

life is unfair but we still have to go on.. he will not be forgotten, he will always be in me.. and i love him, the 3 words that i never had the chance to tell him when he's around, which i regret till this day.. so, cherish the chance you have now..

anyway, here's the lyrics.. nicholas sang it well, putting the proper feelings singing it.. but applause to the one who wrote the lyrics..

北极星的眼泪 - 张栋梁

像断了线
消失人海里面
我的眼终于失去
你的脸
再等一会
奢望流星会出现
愿 如果真的实现
爱能不能永远
明天
或许来不及变
但曾经走过的昨天
越来越远

北极星的眼泪
说不出的想念
原来我们活在
两个世界
北极星的眼泪
你哭红的双眼
被淋湿的诺言
淹没在心里面
我抬头看着 爱不见

当对的人
等不到对的时间
就在放放开手的瞬间
爱撕成两边

北极星的眼泪
说不出的想念
原来我们活在
两个世界
北极星的眼泪
你哭红的双眼
被淋湿的诺言
淹没在心里面
我抬头看着 爱不见
整个宇宙都
流眼泪

~the dreamer

Fruitful Week

he's not around and wont be back till next friday... sigh.. i'm a little bored without him... but my week was fruitful.. i accompanied him the nite b4 he fly..

i did transcript the next 2 nites and throwing tantrums at myself..

hang out wif a bunch of good frens the 4th nite.. meeting some old frens too..

and not sleeping for 22hours since friday morning till saturday for accompanying a very good fren flying back to australia.. traveling from cyberjaya to putrajaya to klia.. making funny poses out of boredom next to a mercedes brabus slk k4.. i miss hwei.. =) frens should hang out more often.. ya? sigh... i miss skool days...

this supposed to be the penguin pose

the eiffel tower pose

i spent my saturday doing laundry, transcripts and throwing tantrums at myself again.. oh, i spent wonderful dinner wif beckz.. she called when i was about to start my engine to go out to look for food..

sunday, today, is also fruitful.. i woke up late coz i slept rather late.. went out to the little sisters of the poor home to visit an old poh poh.. she was my neighbour.. she was being sent there not bcoz her children are unfilial, they have their reasons.. and i'm glad that the place is really a fine place for her.. very clean, very well taken care of.. she used to looked very unhappy, although she's getting very very thin, but she looks much happier than last time.. but, it was a very natural feelings that when i saw those old people there, i felt like crying.. they don't look sad but they look lonely.. and somehow, i kept imagining, if my dad is still around, how does he look like when he's old.. with the gray hairs, will he look like them? sigh... i miss my dad.. i will nv see the looks of my dad getting old, which till now i'll still try to imagine.. i really really miss him.. sigh..

what is it like being old? haha.. my mom said if one day she's as old as them, she won't mind going to the old folks home.. she can have more frens there.. hehe.. but i wasn't worry about her, coz tt thinking did not occur to me.. the thing tt came to my mind is, will i be like this old people here? how is it like being old? they are like kids, like to chat, like to be dote...

tomorrow is another new beginning of a new week.. i hope it's another fruitful ones...


~the dreamer